A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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