Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
