What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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