i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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