remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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