I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
