I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
