girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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