I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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