the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
