He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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