moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
