I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
