he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
