And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
