You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
