hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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