the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize