Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
