is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
