My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize