i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
