he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
