i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
