We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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