I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize