I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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