She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
