He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
