some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
