I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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