My friends, they love my intelligence
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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