It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
