Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
did you just send me my own nude
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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