New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My balls are so social today.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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