Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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