he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
