ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
