apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
