her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize