omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
