"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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