She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
