I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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