we have pet lesbian snakes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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