Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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