i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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