I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
