i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
