So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So. Much. Porn.
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