i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
