you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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