so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
