Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize