so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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