WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
