i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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