you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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