My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
