He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
