I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
