woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
