god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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