He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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