the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
