Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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