Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
