The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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