The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
