Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
