from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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