I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
