ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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