I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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