He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize