"it" just moved
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
