Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
