We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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